"Perhaps I should consider canceling. This would allow Erin to fill my time slot with another client. My mind is racing with a million thoughts as I have a lot on my plate. We are in the process of moving to a new house, I need to pick up groceries for our current home, my middle child has a dermatologist appointment that I must attend, and I have a teaching commitment this evening."
My mind is constantly engaged in this cycle of overthinking.
These are the narratives my instinctual brain feeds me when it believes it's maintaining my safety within my comfort zone. This is my mental state on Sunday evening upon receiving the familiar message, "Confirming yoga for tomorrow."
Although I am a yoga instructor, I too require guidance in my practice. When asked what I seek from my practice, I had to pause for a moment to reflect. It didn't take long for me to find the answer. Grounding.
It's not that I lack the knowledge to lead a class or to personally connect my breath, feet, and body to a sense of rootedness in the present moment. However, in recent months, my husband began a new job 75 minutes away from our current location and commutes daily. We purchased our dream home in the new town we are transitioning to over the next 10 months.
We recently dropped off our eldest daughter at college for her second year of volleyball, where we will be traveling to watch her play in Florida and Texas over the next two weekends.My middle child is a high school senior embarking on her college search while finishing her final year of volleyball. This marks the end of her volleyball career as she will not be playing in college like her older sister.My youngest started fourth grade and will begin swimming lessons after Labor Day.
I am organizing a yoga retreat in Wyoming and teaching five classes a week (something I truly enjoy) while also balancing my family and friendships. It's understandable why my mind convinces me that I don't have 60 minutes a day to spend on my yoga mat practicing.However, the reason I teach is precisely why I need to practice. I was fortunate to meet an incredible yoga teacher six years ago at a small studio attached to her home. It was then that I realized I can navigate chaos while maintaining my sanity.She taught me that when I feel like I don't have time for yoga or meditation, that's precisely when I need it.
The awareness of being present in the moment is exactly what I yearned for this morning. Did I WANT to do it? Not particularly, if I'm honest. Did I NEED to do it? Absolutely.
Every Monday morning, I am reminded that I cannot navigate life alone. Even when I feel like I have everything under control and can handle all the chaos, this yoga teacher still requires her own yoga teacher.
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